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As Valentine’s Day approaches and throughout the year, watch out for romance scams

Romance ScamsRomance scams are different from other scams. Fraudsters prey on lonely people looking to connect with someone, and the scam can often take months to develop to the point where money changes hands. The emotional harm to the victim can be even more painful than the money lost. 

The use of online dating sites and apps has made romance fraud easier. Victims in the United States and Canada report losing nearly $1 billion over the last three years, and the Better Business Bureau estimates there may be more than a million victims in the U.S. Because most people don’t file complaints about romance scams with the BBB or law enforcement, this may a small number of those affected.

The BBB’s study, “Online Romance Scams: How Scammers Use Impersonation, Blackmail, and Trickery to Steal from Unsuspecting Daters,” looks at how romance scams work, who the scammers are, and what’s being done to combat them.

How a romance scam occurs

There are several stages of the scam:

Contacting victims

Romance scammers use dating websites, apps, Facebook, and other social media. Many use stolen credit cards to join the sites and post fake profiles. They meet victims, interact with them, and quickly try to get them to move to a different form of communication such as email or texting. This way, if the dating site identifies the scammer as being bogus and shuts a person down, he or she is already in contact with victims elsewhere. The scammers often make fake Facebook pages for their aliases to help bolster their fake identities.


The fraudster learns about the victim’s life and builds trust. This stage can go on for months. It may include daily texts or messages. Some scammers even send flowers and small gifts. At this stage, scammers may request small favors. This can help them test how open a victim may be to helping when an “emergency” pops up and the scam kicks into high gear.

The grooming process also focuses on isolating victims from their friends and families so they don’t have help when making decisions. The scammers will convince victims that their friends and families have questionable motives to criticize the scammer.

The sting

The scammer asks for money. Usually, it’s for an emergency, a business problem, or a plane ticket to finally meet. If the victim sends money, the scammer will find ways to keep asking for more. These scams can also be dangerous: victims have unknowingly been pulled into money laundering or drug trafficking and, in a few cases, even convinced to fly overseas to meet their love interest only to be kidnapped and held for ransom. 

The fraud continues

Even if targets realize they’ve been victims of a scam, the fraud may continue with a new scam pretending to help them get their money back. A fake law enforcement official may reach out to say the scammer has been caught and the victims can get their money – if they spend several thousand dollars in fees. The original scammer will also sometimes reach out and admit that the “relationship” started as a scam but then claim he or she actually fell in love. This continues the cycle.

The BBB’s study offers information on where scams originate, how scammers trick their victims, including by posing as military personnel, and how they get their money. It also describes victims, why they fall for the scams, and how they can be pulled into other scams.

The research shows that all types of people – male, female, young, old, straight, gay – can be victims of romance scams.

See BBB Tips: Romance Scams for details on how to protect yourself from romance scams.


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